***This was written in May 2012. I decided to publish some of my drafts. It's been fun to reread these experiences.***
This is not an update on our sweet Wesley. This is actually a post on a layer of my testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
I have a serious problem when it comes to conversing with others. I tend to just shout out the first thing that comes to my mind, without even thinking about it first. This usually occurs when I'm around people I'm not 100% comfortable with. And more often when Travis isn't by my side. Not that they make me uncomfortable, it's more like I feel like I need to impress them, act more "mature" or whatever silliness I find myself stressing over and acting on. Except that's the thing- I don't really think about it at all. Not consciously that is.
Take for example... I recently went to lunch with two wonderful ladies to celebrate one of their birthdays. I love both of these women, find them incredibly nice, loving and funny. We seem to get a long great, have a pleasant time around each other and I would definitely consider them wonderful friends of mine. With that said, I've only known these two since moving to Lubbock and we see each other once maybe twice a week but it's usually in group settings and I have my husband by my side. But this day was different, it was just us girls. We sat down at our table at the restaurant and began the meal's session of chit chat. Things began well, but I found myself jumping into the conversation a lot, talking quite a bit and none of what I had to say seemed to be very meaningful. The day before I had received some sad news about something that happened to a young couple and their young son that frankly scared me a little. For reasons unknown to me, I decided to share the story about the situation that occurred with this family. In the middle of telling the story, I looked up at the birthday girl and saw that she was uncomfortable. It then dawned on me that said birthday girl had just recently shared with me some of her fears about horrible things that could possibly happen in this life with her family as well. Fears most mothers have about their children. As I was telling the story, I realized that I was probably feeding some of those fears. She remained fairly quiet throughout the rest of her supposed-to-be celebratory lunch. I left the restaurant feeling so ashamed.
Why do I do that? Why do I always do that?! I've begun to reflect on this problem of mine. It's a problem that becomes a problem for others. I have realized that I do this often. It's not just a once in a while thing. I realize now why I shared that story. As some might relate, when I get nervous about how others might perceive me, feel about me, etc, I try my hardest to be the "best" person for them to be around. The real problem is that I'm focusing on myself during these times. The "best" person, the "best" friend, would not worry about how he/she is being perceived, rather they would be focusing on what their friend(s) need. How can I serve this person? Selfless service is the answer.
This birthday lunch was not for me. It was for my dear friend. She has had a lot going on in her life these last few months. Many of them blessings, but also many trials. I don't know all that she has been through but I can feel through the Spirit that she needs true friendship in her life. As I said before, I sometime worry about how I might impress people I'm around and be the friend or person that they are wanting me to be. Unfortunately, as in this situation and many others I've found myself in, my first impression of the what they are wanting is not always correct. My dear friend needed me to be selfless, to listen to her as she shared whatever it was that was on her mind, to talk about her and her family and the wonderful things that were going on in her life, to seek ways in which I might better serve her. She didn't need me to make her laugh, tell an intriguing story, or brag about the joys in my life. She needed, and she still needs, me to be a true friend. To follow Christ's example and to serve her.
I'm grateful for the Atonement. I'm grateful that through my mistakes, the Lord has granted me the blessing of learning through His grace and mercy. I'm grateful for friendship and service and for the growth that occurs in the Gospel. I'm grateful that Heavenly Father is teaching me and helping me grow to become more like Him. I am far off from being perfect, but I am so grateful for the opportunity to be Christlike, to serve others and to live in the Gospel on this earth. I'm grateful for my family and I am so grateful for friends.
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